remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
