Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
