I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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