I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
