if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
