The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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