No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
