He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
