whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
