Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
