she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
