I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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