Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Farmville is her only friend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Found the puke drawer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
