3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
