yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
