so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
