he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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