i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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