i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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