Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
