I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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