you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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