we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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