He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
