so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
