Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
