If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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