Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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