her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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