and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
