I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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