i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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