Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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