so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
