Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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