id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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