I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
