Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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