i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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