I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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