The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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