I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
