Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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