He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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