Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
