Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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