I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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