I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
