today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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