hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
