Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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