I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
