What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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