I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
