I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
a search helicopter?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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